how to keep a 2 year old occupied for an hour, step 1: call usps.

the united states postal service is driving me mad..  i'm trying to call them to have postage pre-printed on return mailers.

me: *dials 800 number*
automated voice: thank you for calling the united states postal service.  para español, diga español.  blah blah blah tax information blah blah please contact the irs blah blah blah.  would you like to find a location in your area?  say yes or no.
me: no.
automated voice: ok. *silence*  you can say get a zip code, mailing rates, track and confirm a package, or delivery services, or say more options.
me: more options.
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: *silence*
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: *presses 0*
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: *presses star*
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: grrr..
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: *hangs up, dials again*
automated voice: thank you for calling the united states postal service.  para espanol, diga espanol.  blah blah blah tax information blah blah please contact the irs blah blah blah.  would you like to find a location in your area?  say yes or no.
me: no.
automated voice: ok. *silence*  you can say get a zip code, mailing rates, track and confirm a package, or delivery services, or say more options.
me: delivery services
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: oh you've got to be kidding me..
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: *hangs up, dials again*
automated voice: thank you for calling the united states postal service.  para espanol, diga espanol.  blah blah blah tax information blah blah please contact the irs blah blah blah.  would you like to find a location in your area?  say yes or no.
me: no.
automated voice: ok. *silence*  you can say get a zip code, mailing rates, track and confirm a package, or delivery services, or say more options.
me: *presses 9*
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: *presses 8*
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: *presses #*
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: *slams head on desk* i hate you.
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information.
me: *hangs up, converses with co-worker for 10 minutes, dials again*
automated voice: thank you for calling the united states postal service.  para espanol, diga espanol.  blah blah blah tax information blah blah please contact the irs blah blah blah.  would you like to find a location in your area?  say yes or no.
me: no.
automated voice: ok. *silence*  you can say get a zip code, mailing rates, track and confirm a package, or delivery services, or say more options.
me: more options.
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information. you can also say other information or main menu.
me: *shocked and speechless.. it gave me an OUT!*
automated voice: ok, you can say change of address, passport information, buy stamps, or for post office hours and location say post office information. you can also say other information or main menu.
me: other information
automated voice: ok. describe what it is you are looking for.
me: business services
automated voice: we are transferring you to customer service *i swear a beam of light was shining on my phone at that very moment with angels in the background singing "halleluja, halleluja, halleluja.."*
customer service rep: united states postal service. *woah.. notice the lack of how may i help you? well a good f'ing morning to you too!*
me: good morning.  i'm preparing a return mailer and we'd like to include pre-paid postage on them.  i'm having problems navigating your site, so i'm not sure how to go about doing this.
customer service rep: *silence * (for like a minute)
me: hello..?
customer service rep: i don't understand what you're saying. *i don't think this woman is a morning person*
me: we're preparing a postcard that we'd like mailed back to us. i would like to include pre-paid postage on it.  i'm looking for a system that lets me include the postage on my artwork so that the printer can print it rather than putting a stamp on the page.  i'm having problems navigating your site to find out how to go about doing this.  can you help me?
customer service rep: well you just create an account online and put money in.  you will get the postage necessary.
me: well that seems easy enough.  thank you for your help!
customer service rep: alright.  thank you for calling. *could my very own ears be teasing me..?  was that POLITENESS?!*
me: you're welcome.  have a good day!
customer service rep: *click*

maybe i was too perky for a wednesday morning..